Mind, mood, and meditation

The mind is a funny thing.  It is an extremely power tool.  The ability to reason and feel is something that gives us a competitive edge against computers.  The mind is limitless in its power.  As we all know:  with great power comes great responsibility.  We must control our mind, harness its power to work for us.  This is where willpower comes in.  We must use self control to control our mind which in turn controls our actions.  Yet, self control is a function of the brain.  So really that means the brain must fight with itself to carry out the controller (person)'s intentions.  That doesn't sound too easy does it?  I wouldn't call myself smart, but I do excel in scholarly pursuits (pompous sounding right?).  I also notice that my mind seems to constantly be in high-speed mode.  For instance, if I can't think of where I know an actor that I saw on TV, I will not be able to rest until I figure out the answer.  I can't just turn it off. My brain often seems tired.  I also feel the need to over-analyze EVERYTHING.  I can't take things for face value.  My mind is always chipping away at walls hoping to find some more information hidden behind.  This certainly gives me a competitive advantage when trying to learn.  Its a trait that also lends itself well for critical thinking. Unfortunately, like everything good, it has its downsides.  The fast paced mind as always moving at its critical velocity.  At any point it can trip over itself and wipe out.  Total loss of control.  It's almost as if the brain bypasses the normally strong critical thinking mode and makes decisions based on a quick impulse.  This can cause major problems.  Therefore, it is very important to try to slow the mind as much as possible.  Developing mental patience (part of willpower) may be a struggle, but it is critical for our well being.

The mind also serves as one of the main contributors to our mood.  Mood can be controlled by our actions.  If we exercise willpower and don't eat the second piece of cake, we may find ourselves feeling satisfied and proud.  If we let ourselves down we may feel anger and guilt.  I've been thinking a lot lately about trying to control mood.  I'd like to be able to perform some brain function that would override my feelings.  I think that using external stimuli is one of the best approaches.  After listening to Nick Drake's Pink Moon I find that my excitement level has died down (this is good as I often make more mistakes when I am happy and excited.  I let my guard down).  Listening to the Beach Boys' "God Only Knows" or Queen's "Too Much Love Will Kill You" when I am missing the one I love makes me feel even more lonely than before.  When I am feeling particularly lousy, I listen to classical music to pump myself up.  Dvorak's "Water Goblin" and Holst's "Mars the Bring of War" seem to be very effective at returning my focus. The real trick it to be able to do this without anything external.  Again, this takes willpower.

Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of the night (gives me plenty of time to write in this blog).    There are two types of nightmares:  the traditional type that you wake up from and think, "Gee, I'm glad that's over." and the type where you are having a wonderful dream and wake up to realize that  you were just dreaming and that reality isn't anywhere close to that nice.  I've been getting a lot of both lately.  After these nightmares, my mind is racing far too much to sleep.  It's very uncomfortable.  So far it has pretty much meant that regardless of when I wake up, I am up for the day.  This starts to take its toll after a few weeks of getting up at 2-4AM.  I've tried calming my mind, but nothing works.  At first I was just going out driving, but this isn't the best way to deal with things.  I now find prayer and meditation to be effective methods.  I've always prayed pretty consistently, but now it seems that the way I do it is changing.  Despite the fact that repeating pre-written prayers does a good job of keeping your mind clear (like a mantra), I am rather enjoying the conversational style of praying where you just seem to be talking and expressing yourself.  This has been very helpful.  When I've prayed in the past, I've never really asked for anything.  I figured that I've been blessed enough and it would be rude to ask for me.  I'm asking now and it feels surprisingly good.  I feel less alone and that helps me sleep.  I've also tried meditation.  Okay, I don't really know anything about meditation.  I've really just been repeating the same line in my head over and over as fast as I can hoping that it blocks other thoughts out.  I'd like to thank George Clinton and Funkadelic for the line, "freedom is free of the need to be free."  I say it a lot.  I probably should have picked something that wouldn't be such a tongue twister but oh well -- it works.