Here is a definition for conflict. We can see that conflict may occur between groups of people, between individuals, and within one's self. Basically, conflict is born from disagreement or a lack of clarity. It's often hard to handle. The way I see it, there are four main ways to address conflict.
The first method would be to fight. Fighting is the most aggressive method to seek conflict resolution. It's easiest to do this when our conflict exists between us and an outside source. Perhaps we are placed in a situation where we disagree with a friend or coworker. Our opinion of the situation is different than theirs. We believe strongly in our feelings; this gives us confidence. With this confidence, we strive to produce change that will, in turn, resolve the conflict. Mostly, the change comes in the form of convincing the other party that we are right. We can attack from a factual point of view in which we try to teach the other party that they are missing part of the big picture. If we can convince the other party of these facts, they will have little choice but to come over to our side. Conflict resolved. It isn't always, or often, that easy. More times that not, we have to fight with emotion. This takes the battle from the objective to the subjective. Things are no longer as clear cut. Apologies often come in the form of the emotional fight. We've done wrong; we're sorry, we beg for forgiveness. Or perhaps we have realized the error of our ways and fight to prove that things are different now. In each case, the other party in the conflict is still left with a choice, after all evidence has been presented, as to whether or not they will forgive you. It isn't a clear cut, factual case, so after presenting our emotions, we must wait for the other party to use theirs and come to a decision.
Sometimes, we win the fight, sometimes we lose. After presenting fact, our coworker may realize that it wasn't us that drank the Fresca that clearly had his name on it. Score. Maybe after presenting our emotional case, our friend will say, "the bridge has been burned too much to rebuild." After learning of our loss we can do one of two things: fight harder or cease fighting. For those of us filled with self confidence, the natural response is to fight harder. We can win anything if we work hard enough (perhaps a result of still getting trophies even though our little league team finished in last place). We will adjust our argument and try again. We believe so strongly in to so why wouldn't they? We can keep doing this until either the other party yields or we drive ourselves mad. The more we are on the losing end of the fight, the more it consumes us. But if we win, it feels pretty damn good. That being said, you must be extremely sure that you really need, what you are fighting for and are prepared to win. If you don't you might wind up just burning the bridge even more.
All fights are two sided (even if they are between ourselves). Conflict can't exist without a difference of opinion. Sometimes, we are on the other end of things. Somebody is fighting to change our opinion. It is very important that we listen to ourselves and really reflect on their case before making judgement. Sometimes we have to yield to them. This is especially difficult as it feels like a shot to our pride. If the other party is right, it is the only fair thing to do. Harder still, we may have to stick to our guns. Despite a good argument being made (we may even want the the other party to win) if our beliefs are still telling us differently, we have to listen to ourselves. In this situation, the other party's victory does not come from his convincing us to believe him; it comes from him convincing us to change our thoughts. Ultimately, that is what we have to listen to -- us.
Sometimes it's best to stop fighting. This will show up in the latter parts of this segment, so I won't get into too much detail. Sometimes we have to examine what this fight is doing. Who are we fighting? Are we hurting the other party? Are we hurting ourselves? Like any fight, there is an acceptable casualty limit. We have to admit to both ourselves and the other party when we've lost. Acceptance can be hard sometimes. But it is through this acceptance, that we are able to grow and develop. A regrouping of our metaphorical army. There is always still hope down the road that the fight can be won. Or at least we can do what we can to end the conflict within ourselves; we can reach our own, small, personal resolution. This will allow us to focus on other things, but still always carry a little bit of that fight in us --just in case. Above all, the best advice here is: Get it right the first time and you won't have to enter this realm of uncertainty.
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