Conflict Resolution Part Four: Letting Go

Suppose we have a legitimate reason to relinquish our struggle for conflict resolution.  Perhaps we've been spending most of our time and money on golf lessons hoping that someday we would make the pros.  After a while of lessons, we realize that we don't have innate skill required to be an excellent golfer.  Our family life is also suffering because we aren't giving enough time to our spouse and children.  Of course we want to be a pro golfer.  In fact we dream about it every night.  But we are hurting our family in the process.  We are wasting away our time and money, knowing that the outcome we want will not come.  We love our family more than ourselves.  At this point, it's probably time to pack it in.  This is what we call letting go.

Letting go can be very difficult.  Basically we have to take our wants and throw them aside for some greater reason. It's not easy to put someone else before us.  It's hard to accept defeat.  But is it defeat?  By letting go, you've put some great need (whether it be someone else's or our own) before one of our great wants.  There is a sense of peace that comes from this.  It allows us to move forward -- to grow and develop.

Letting go does not initially feel like conflict resolution.  You will second guess yourself for a very long time.  It is important to have faith in yourself.  If you don't you will be quite unsuccessful at letting go.  Perhaps letting go isn't the right option.  That takes a lot of soul searching.  Take some time to really think about this. Perhaps you're thinking irrationally.  It is crucial that in all aspects of life, we work hard to keep the impulsive and irrational parts of our mind as far away from each other as possible.  Keep them at bay until you can find that shining light to guide you in your decision making.

Is letting go even conflict resolution?  Clearly, we didn't get what we want; but we don't always get what we want.  How is this different from giving up?  Aren't we still running away from our problems?  No.  We are putting the needs of others (or our own greater good) before ourselves.  We are handing over our struggle and resolving the greater conflict.  We aren't running from our problem.  We are saying, "for me to really try to win this thing, I'm going to cause a lot of intermediate damage.  That isn't worth it to me." or "I can't do anything about this.  All I will accomplish doing is hurting myself and those around me.  No matter what, I refuse to do that."  Lately, I've found religious reflection and praying as a good way to find comfort in these situations.  It helps to be able to hand some of your burden off.  You'll never feel alone.  Above all, having faith will help dampen your vacillation and keep your eyes trained to your guiding light.

So when conflict arises, you have to decide whether to fight, weather the storm, give up, or let go.  Regardless of your choice, you have to be willing to accept both victory and defeat.  We win some, we lose some.  We must remember that everything happens for a reason (or at least everything that happens offers some lesson to be learned and helps define us).  It's best to take time to really think about the situation before you make any decisions.  It's also crucial to listen to your mind and heart more than anything else.  Rarely will they serve you wrong.  As to which method of conflict resolution to choose:  The choice is yours and yours alone.