Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Mind, mood, and meditation

The mind is a funny thing.  It is an extremely power tool.  The ability to reason and feel is something that gives us a competitive edge against computers.  The mind is limitless in its power.  As we all know:  with great power comes great responsibility.  We must control our mind, harness its power to work for us.  This is where willpower comes in.  We must use self control to control our mind which in turn controls our actions.  Yet, self control is a function of the brain.  So really that means the brain must fight with itself to carry out the controller (person)'s intentions.  That doesn't sound too easy does it?  I wouldn't call myself smart, but I do excel in scholarly pursuits (pompous sounding right?).  I also notice that my mind seems to constantly be in high-speed mode.  For instance, if I can't think of where I know an actor that I saw on TV, I will not be able to rest until I figure out the answer.  I can't just turn it off. My brain often seems tired.  I also feel the need to over-analyze EVERYTHING.  I can't take things for face value.  My mind is always chipping away at walls hoping to find some more information hidden behind.  This certainly gives me a competitive advantage when trying to learn.  Its a trait that also lends itself well for critical thinking. Unfortunately, like everything good, it has its downsides.  The fast paced mind as always moving at its critical velocity.  At any point it can trip over itself and wipe out.  Total loss of control.  It's almost as if the brain bypasses the normally strong critical thinking mode and makes decisions based on a quick impulse.  This can cause major problems.  Therefore, it is very important to try to slow the mind as much as possible.  Developing mental patience (part of willpower) may be a struggle, but it is critical for our well being.

The mind also serves as one of the main contributors to our mood.  Mood can be controlled by our actions.  If we exercise willpower and don't eat the second piece of cake, we may find ourselves feeling satisfied and proud.  If we let ourselves down we may feel anger and guilt.  I've been thinking a lot lately about trying to control mood.  I'd like to be able to perform some brain function that would override my feelings.  I think that using external stimuli is one of the best approaches.  After listening to Nick Drake's Pink Moon I find that my excitement level has died down (this is good as I often make more mistakes when I am happy and excited.  I let my guard down).  Listening to the Beach Boys' "God Only Knows" or Queen's "Too Much Love Will Kill You" when I am missing the one I love makes me feel even more lonely than before.  When I am feeling particularly lousy, I listen to classical music to pump myself up.  Dvorak's "Water Goblin" and Holst's "Mars the Bring of War" seem to be very effective at returning my focus. The real trick it to be able to do this without anything external.  Again, this takes willpower.

Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of the night (gives me plenty of time to write in this blog).    There are two types of nightmares:  the traditional type that you wake up from and think, "Gee, I'm glad that's over." and the type where you are having a wonderful dream and wake up to realize that  you were just dreaming and that reality isn't anywhere close to that nice.  I've been getting a lot of both lately.  After these nightmares, my mind is racing far too much to sleep.  It's very uncomfortable.  So far it has pretty much meant that regardless of when I wake up, I am up for the day.  This starts to take its toll after a few weeks of getting up at 2-4AM.  I've tried calming my mind, but nothing works.  At first I was just going out driving, but this isn't the best way to deal with things.  I now find prayer and meditation to be effective methods.  I've always prayed pretty consistently, but now it seems that the way I do it is changing.  Despite the fact that repeating pre-written prayers does a good job of keeping your mind clear (like a mantra), I am rather enjoying the conversational style of praying where you just seem to be talking and expressing yourself.  This has been very helpful.  When I've prayed in the past, I've never really asked for anything.  I figured that I've been blessed enough and it would be rude to ask for me.  I'm asking now and it feels surprisingly good.  I feel less alone and that helps me sleep.  I've also tried meditation.  Okay, I don't really know anything about meditation.  I've really just been repeating the same line in my head over and over as fast as I can hoping that it blocks other thoughts out.  I'd like to thank George Clinton and Funkadelic for the line, "freedom is free of the need to be free."  I say it a lot.  I probably should have picked something that wouldn't be such a tongue twister but oh well -- it works.

Monday, July 15, 2013

Optimism, pessimism, and the pesky glass containing 50% water and 50% air

People often discuss whether someone is more the "glass half full" or "glass half empty" type.  We live in a society where it is easy to thrive on negative energy.  We encounter plenty of negative people in our day to day adventures.  But we discover just as many folks who are filled with joy.  We would expect that the more upbeat person would be more content, but is that really true?  Let's first look at the optimist.

The optimist seems to walk with more spring in his step than his negative counterpart.  The world is his.  When the chips are down, he is convinced that he will have the winning hand.  I don't believe that this is a bad way of looking at things.  There is less stress on any given day.  When adversity rears its head, the optimist stands tall, like a sword drawn captain on an attacking flagship.  For a long time I believed that I could beat anything that I had to face.  I'd be victorious in every situation.  I could dig myself out of the deepest hole.  Let's be honest.  This isn't true.  We find ourselves in situations that we must admit failure on.  It happens to everybody.  When the optimist fails, it is a crucial blow to his ego.  His world rocks back and forth making it difficult to keep his eyes fixed on the horizon.  I believe that a great deal of depressed people are optimists who have been struck down.

The pessimist has a different way of looking at things.  Generally he expects failure.  When faced with adversity, failure is a suitable outcome.  When he admits failure he thinks to himself, "Oh well, I figured that's how things would go."  He isn't much worse off.  However, when he triumphs over adversity he thinks to himself, "Holy cow!  I can't believe this!"  He is filled with happiness, more so than the triumphant optimist.  Some could argue that this is the better outlook -- less disappointment, more satisfaction from victory.  The downside to this approach is that the pessimist   can most often be found staring at his shoes as he makes his way from place to place.  Despite being immersed in a world full of vibrant beauty the pessimist misses most.  His one word answers bore those who interact with him.  Yet, I don't think he is depressed in many cases.  In fact he may find himself more content than the optimist.  Life may pass by in a haze but there aren't as many obstacles for the pessimist as the optimist.  Lower quality of life, but steady.

Crossover?  Sure.  I think many adopt pessimism in the spiral down from optimistic glee to depression.  At the same time, when luck turns around and things start going in their favor, many pessimists may begin the journey towards the optimistic lifestyle.  If one is to get stuck in any lifestyle, I would venture to say that optimism is best.  Optimism gives us the strongest chance at succeeding in our ventures.  We just have to be strong enough to stand tall and take that chance.

But me, as an engineer, would simply say that the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

My grandfather clock, the passing of time, and the consequence of actions.

Last night I couldn't sleep so I spent a few moments watching the grandfather clock that sits by my front door.  It's been in the same spot more or less in all five places that I've lived.  It was ticking away when my parents brought me home from the hospital. It was ticking away for the each and every first day of school. It's seen me happy and sad.  It's watched me laugh and it's watched me cry.  It's watched me come home after great successes and triumphs.  It watched as I once almost put my head through it after a counter productive night at the bar shortly after my 21st birthday.  It's watched me come home full of despair after failing myself and others.   I'd run passed the clock to greet my dad when he would return from any given long trip in the big 747.  It watched me trudge through the front door after my grandmother's funeral.  It saw the smile on my face and my confident stride when I found greatness beyond my comprehension.  It observed the guilt on my face when I made the biggest mistake of my life.  It hasn't ever told me anything; it hasn't judged me.   It saw me last night, however I am now, observing it.

Throughout my life the clock has done one thing -- ticked.  The hands have moved forward.  It's stopped sometimes when I've forgotten to wind it.  It's never moved backwards (except when I have to push the hands out of the way of the winding holes but we won't really count that).  Time moves forward without exception. One must understand that given a finite amount of ticks, it is imperative to use them wisely.  As soon as each one passes there is no way to get it back.  The actions one takes during a few ticks will set the scene for the future.  They are not independent.  I, like most of I suppose, wish that it wasn't a linear path forward from tick to tick.  If we were able to sail on time, we would be able to do many things -- put a year's worth of action into a single tick, alter passed ticks, cruise to the future.  We know that we can't do this. We can't go back in time.  I would give anything to be able to be able to spin the hands on my grandfather clock back a few weeks and see the time reverse.  I can't.  We do good things, we do bad things.  Everybody makes mistakes, some bigger than others.  I think that one of the defining qualities in the integrity of a man is the ability to live with mistakes.  It's not easy.  Sometimes we do things that keep us up at night.  Things we may never forgive ourselves for.  Impulses made in a few ticks, in the heat of the moment, in fear, in frustration.  Once actions are made, once the clock ticks, there is no way to go back.  The good thing is that there are, hopefully, many more ticks to come in life.  There is no definition to those ticks yet.  Anything can happen in that time.  The best thing we can do is to try our best to control what we do in those ticks and let everything else fall into place.  Ultimately we only have control of our time sphere.  Its foolish to expect any more.  But, friends, that means that we are all so very responsible for our actions.  After our actions, we lose responsibility.  We can only hope that we've done right. We cannot deny what we've done.  We can only try to do the right thing going forward.  It isn't always easy but it is all that we can do.

Once, my grandfather clock stopped working.  At first it seemed to chime at the wrong times, things  progressed and then it finally stopped working.  We had to get a clock guy in to work on our grandfather clock.  He had to open up its insides and clean out the grime that had built up over 20 or so years. Isn't our life like that?  A clock is useless to man if it doesn't run.  Without its insides being in prime working condition,  it can't help others.  When we have problems, when we have grime built up inside of us, we become incapable of really sharing with others.  It's easy to fall into these pits.  In a fast paced, judgmental society it is often difficult to share our problems.  We hold them in, hanging on in quiet desperation.  This isn't healthy.  We become black clouds, wasting our precious ticks and hurting those who love us.  It is so very important that we look inside and purge ourselves of our problems so that we do not let them ooze out and affect our loved ones.  When we've messed up, large or small, the first place we need to look is inside.  It isn't right, or fair to yell and scream our problems to others until we've searched ourselves -- fixed ourselves.  True, it may often require the help of others to do this, but that first step is look for the grime inside of ourselves.   No matter how it got there, it is ours, our decisions are ours, and we must accept this responsibility.  Nobody else can spend our ticks, nobody can get them back for us.  Therefore we must clean our insides, and watch with vigilance for the return of the grime.  If we do this, we can hope with glint optimism that our remaining ticks may lead us to our own promised lands.

I never thought I'd ever learn so much from staring at a clock.

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Album of the Year: 1980's

1980:  Seconds of Pleasure - Rockpile

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Seconds of Pleasure was the culmination of work by the Nick Lowe (Cruel to Be Kind) and Dave Edmunds (I Hear you Knockin') session band.  Despite playing on many Lowe and Edmunds records, Rockpile only released this one album under their own name.  Featuring both original compositions and covers, Seconds of Pleasure unleashed a brand of Welsh rockabilly matched by none.

1981:  Computerwelt - Kraftwerk

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Kraftwerk's 1981 classic is a sure sign of the world's optimism concerning the future of computers.  With songs like "Pocket Calculator" and "Computer Love" we can imagine Louis Skolnick  and Gilbert Lowe oscillating wildly...and frankly.... what could be better than that?

1982:  Pornography - The Cure

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Pornography is one of the 3 best cure albums (imo).  It starts off dark and gets darker.  Each of the songs are long enough to let the listener to sink into some sort of a trance.  A great accompaniment to 3 Imaginary Boys and The Head on the Door.

1983:  Holy Diver - Dio

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Dio hit home with this one.  "Stand Up and Shout " "Holy Diver," "Rainbow in the Dark."  This record is ALL that 80's metal could ever hope to be.  We lost Dio way too soon and this is as good of a remembrance as any.  That being said, the "Holy Diver" music video may be one of the silliest ones in MTV history.

1984:  Ocean Rain - Echo and the Bunnymen



One of the BEST albums ever made.  Ian and the boys are able to bounce back and forth between upbeat, albeit reverb soaked, songs and songs in the complete opposite direction.  Sadly Echo never had the commercial success that many of their "Post Punk" contemporaries.  Luckily Donnie Darko introduced many younger listeners to their biggest hit, "The Killing Moon," which can be found on this record.  Overall, I would say that the title track is my favourite, followed closely by "Nocturnal Me."  This album will not let you down.

1985:  Tim - The Replacements

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A great alternative album.  Remembered mostly for "Bastards of Young," Tim is a nice angsty album with some good guitar work.  My favourite track is "Waitress in the Sky."

1986:  The Queen is Dead - The Smiths

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The Smiths' crowning achievement is most certainly The Queen is Dead.  From start to finish, the band delivers finely crafted music by Johnny Marr and haunting lyrics by the great Morrissey.  Despite all of the songs having some sort of bizarre basis, most listeners are able to identify with what the narrator (Mozz) is singing about.  This album is perfect.  Everybody deserves to hear this album at least once.

1987:  Darklands - The Jesus and Mary Chain

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Another great new wave record.  The Jesus and Mary chain was able to pull off the reverb fueled sound of The Bunnymen while being able to keep the lyrics a "little" more positive. "Happy When it Rains" is a classic and all of the other songs hold up just as well.  It has always puzzled by why these guys were not able to maintain the same longevity as some of their counterparts.

1988:  Surfer Rosa - The Pixies

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Surfer Rosa is another great one.  Produced by Steve Albini (of Big Black fame), this record harnesses the raw sound of The Pixies, (i.e. "Bone Machine").  Thanks to Ablini's concept of having an album with a lot of studio banter we get some pretty funny, but slightly forced, commentary between band mates (Buy me a soda?).  I rather like "Gigantic" and "Broken Face."

1989:  Bleach - Nirvana



Not much going on in 1989.  It was more or less a toss up between this and The Pogues.  This is my favourite of the Nirvana albums.  It's nice and heavy and showcases Cobain and Novoselic's talent for playing fast and loud (Grohl didn't play on this one).  "Negative Creep" is certainly a great song to listen to before playing hockey or anything else that requires you to beat the crap out of other people.  I just wonder how Cobain didn't permanently lose his voice singing on this album.

Wednesday, August 8, 2012

Album of the Year: 1970's

1970:  After the Gold Rush - Neil Young

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Perhaps the greatest of 'rainy day' records, Neil Young's After the Gold Rush is a perfect blend of quiet Neil Young with the more rocking Crazy Horse sound.  The album's title track "After the Goldrush" is, in my opinion, one of the greatest songs ever written.  Good music:  check.  Good lyrics:  check.  Pretty much perfection.

1971: Electric Warrior - T. Rex

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The Glam king...Bowie or Bolan?  The band was fronted by boa wearing Marc Bolan (sadly died 11 years to the day before I was born).  The album was produced by glam producer king Tony Visconti.  The TOTP of Bang a Gong featured Elton John on piano....pretty glam indeed.  Like After the Gold Rush, Electric Warrior is a perfect blend of acoustic songs ("God") with good old rock and roll "Jeepster."  It is hard to find a better British record from the 1970's... that is unless you consider the top pick for 1972

1972:  The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stadust and the Spiders from Mars - David Bowie

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So here we go...the greatest album ever recorded.  Ziggy tells the tale of a doomed planet that is visited be a far superior species.  The alien is capable of saving the world, but instead gets caught up in its hedonistic ways.  From the fading drum into to "Five Years" to the big string finale of "Rock and Roll Suicide" every ounce of the album is perfection.  Strangely enough it includes a cover of Three Dog Night's "It Ain't Easy."  One of the strongest point of the Pitt produced (remember Tony Visconti left Bowie to produce Electric Warrior) album is Mick Ronson's guitar playing.  Instead of over the top guitar solos, Ronson instead focuses on making a very concrete rhythm track.  Don't get me wrong, the solos are fantastic, but you can tell that Ronno isn't sitting around waiting for them.  Perfect.  Pure and simple.

1973:  Aloha from Hawaii Via Satellite -  Elvis Presley


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One of the few live albums included on this list.  Here we find Elvis at his performing peak.  There is a fast paced version of "Suspicious Minds."  There are the Elvis standards that you would expect.  He does a selection of great covers including Berry's "Johnny B. Goode," Harrison's "Something," and the most superior version of "My Way" that I have ever heard (I apologize to all of the Sinatra fans out there).  Elvis is the KING, and we clearly can see him here filling those shoes without much effort.

1974:  The Hoople - Mott the Hoople

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The last Mott the Hoople record ever recorded.  Paul Rodger's had convinced Mick Ralphs to leave and join Bad Company.  Here we see new guitarist Ariel Bender.  It sounds different from every other Mott record.  Sure, you can tell the glam influence seeping in after Bowie wrote "All the Young Dudes" for them.  Check out the first two tracks:  "The Golden Age of Rock and Roll" and "Marionette."  You won't be let down

1975:  The Rocky Horror Picture Show - Richard O'Brien



A great weird movie with a great soundtrack.  Richard O'Brien was able to write an album that would have been able to stand the test of time without being a movie soundtrack (nod also goes to Curtis Mayfield's 1972 classic Superfly).  Let's do the time warp again?  Sure!

1976:  Small Change - Tom Waits

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No, that isn't a drunken homeless man attacking you from inside of your speakers -- its Tom Waits!  Mr. Raspy himself presents a tale of an alcoholic.  The album starts with an arrangement of Waltzing Matilda and then gets right into the boozing.  The piano has been drinking ( a tale about the denial of a drunk man) is the album's highlight.

1977:  One on One - Performed by Seals and Crofts, written by Paul Williams


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This is a soundtrack from a film that has never made it DVD (I've never seen it either).  My dad has a vinyl copy of the soundtrack and used to play it often when I was a kid.  This is one of my all time favourite albums.  When you take the song writing power of Charles Fox and Paul Williams and combine it with the vocal power of Seals and Crofts, you can't lose.  One song in particular, John Wayne, is certainly worth a listen.

1978:  Van Halen - Van Halen

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  This may very well be the greatest debut album of all time.  Eddie Van Halen invented a style of guitar playing that would be unsuccessfully emulated for the next 20 years.  Once we board the train, there is no looking back.  I would name some of my favourite songs, but I'd wind up listing them all....just listen!

1979:  At Budokan - Cheap Trick

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Technically it was released in Japan in 1978, but didn't make it to the USA or UK until 1979, so I'll count it. It has always bothered me that Rick Nielsen is not on Rolling Stone's list of 100 Greatest Guitarists.  If you have heard him play, it is obvious that it should be.  This album rocks like no other.  There is some sort of mesmerizing clash between Rick's guitar and Tom Peterson's bass that I have never been able to figure out.  The group covered Fats Domino's "Ain't that a Shame" on this record.  When Fats heard it, he was so pleased that he gave Cheap Trick his ORIGINAL gold record for his single.  If that doesn't speak enough about the album, check out "Big Eyes."  You'll be a convert for sure!

Monday, August 6, 2012

Album of the Year: 1960's

Best Albums of the Decade - 1960's

1960:  Lonely and Blue - Roy Orbison




This album was Roy's first full album effort after a string of singles released under the Sun Records label.  Feeling that his vocal power was wasted on the blues based rock and roll tunes coming out of Memphis, Roy moved to Monument.  Featuring the Roy co-authored "Only the Lonely," this was the first chance listeners got to hear the true power of the 'soul of rock and roll.'

1961:  My Favorite Things - John Coltrane





This album is, in my opinion, the best example of Coltrane's studio work.  Playing a selection of songs from the likes of Porter, Rogers and Hammerstein, and The Gershwins, Coltrane's command of the soprano and tenor saxophones is very apparent.  Being a Cole Porter fan, my favorite track is Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye.

1962:  Peter, Paul and Mary - Peter, Paul and Mary

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Peter, Paul and Mary's debut album came packed with hits such as 'If I had a Hammer,' '500 Miles,' and 'Lemon Tree.'  The album climbed to number 1 in the US charts and set the stage for a folk revolution (in this year Bob Dylan released his flop debut album and Joan Baez was still struggling for the acclaim that she would reach a few years later).

1963:  Please, Please Me - The Beatles

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The Beatles first album is packed with great songs and has great production quality despite being recorded in just one day.  Kicking off with 'I Saw Her Standing There' and finishing with 'Twist and Shout' (interestingly, Lennon had a terrible cold and was drinking tea throughout the day.  'Twist and Shout' was recorded last for fear of John losing his voice.  But thanks to that cold, we have the raspy album version which was never recreated with the same emotion in a live format.)  While this album does not have any of the "deep acid tunes" its songs are still timeless and have the same quality of craftsmanship that can be found on later albums.

1964:  Kinks - The Kinks

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The Kinks were a poor band from England.  Due to their obsession with playing their guitars at maximum volume, the wound up gigging with blown amplifiers.  The damaged amps coupled with a maximum gain setting were the perfect recipe to allow the Kinks to be the first hard rock group.  Their debut effort features a selection of 50's rock and roll tunes along with their most popular self-written tune:  'You Really Got Me.'

1965:  Highway 61 Revisited - Bob Dylan

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After receiving harsh criticism for going electric on his last album, Dylan ignored his fans and put out another electric album.  Featuring one of his biggest hits (one of my least favorite on the album) 'Like a Rolling Stone' Dylan was able to win over both fans and critics.  The album features a selection of songs with lyrics based more on image creation and less on the story format of his earlier albums.  The album closes with the 10+ minute 'Desolation Row.'  In my opinion, it is hard to find a better song.

1966:  The Sounds of Silence - Simon and Garfunkel

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"Sounds of Silence" is an album made up of unreleased 1964 recordings, with new producing and arranging.  The album features many great songs beyond the title track including, 'I am a Rock,' 'Kathy's Song' and 'A Most Peculiar Man.'  Overall I would say this is one of the top 3 rainy day albums.  It is worth noting that later in 1964, Simon and Garfunkel released "Parsley, Sage, Rosemary, and Tyne,"  which contains my favorite S&G song:  'The Dangling Conversation.'

1967:  The Velvet Underground and Nico - The Velvet Underground

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This is where things really start to get challenging.  1967 saw the debut efforts of, The Doors, Pink Floyd, and Jimi Hendrix.  I believe that this album beats them all.  A bunch of junkies from Andy Warhol's factory got together and produced an album that pushed into the psychedelic realms far further than anything done by The Beatles.  The songs all have power, but lack any sort of great message.  They just have a way of making you squirm in your seat.  During the recording sessions, Lou Reed used what he referred to as an Ostrich Guitar.  Basically, all 6 of Lou's strings were tuned to the same note.  This allowed him to play octave solos by barring any particular fret on his guitar.  It's madness and it's wonderful.

1968:  Dance to the Music - Sly and the Family Stone

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The Family Stone blended psychedelic rock with soul to lay the foundation for funk music.  This album urges the listener to get up and dance, as well as just stare at the ceiling and think.  Based on the popularity of this album, Sly and the Family Stone were invited to perform at Woodstock.  The group was able to put out a fair amount of albums before their disbandment, but this one is my favorite.  Check out 'Color Me True!'

1969:  In the Court of the Crimson King - King Crimson



Welcome to the wild world of prog rock.  Robert Fripp, Greg Lake and the rest of the gang put out a cosmic album that combines all the hard rockin' man would love with musical structure from baroque era music.  There was never and album like it before or after, but if you really like it, I suggest you check out some Hawkwind.



Saturday, August 4, 2012

A Comparison


A silly bit of evolution.... I really need to stop making lists.

July 2012
1. The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars – David Bowie
2. Highway 61 Revisited - Bob Dylan
3. Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Tyne - Simon and Garfunkel
4. Funeral - Arcade Fire
5. Full House Live - J Geils Band
6. The Slider - T. Rex
7. After the Goldrush - Neil Young
8. Magical Mystery Tour - The Beatles
9. Ocean Rain – Echo and the Bunnymen
10. The Queen is Dead - The Smiths


March 2010
1.  The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars – David Bowie
2. Seconds of Pleasure - Rockpile
3. Highway 61 Revisited – Bob Dylan
4. After the Goldrush – Neil Young
5. Funeral – Arcade Fire
6. The Piper at the Gates of Dawn – Pink Floyd
7. The Hoople – Mott the Hoople
8. The Sounds of Silence – Simon and Garfunkel
9. Ocean Rain – Echo and the Bunnymen
10. Abbey Road – The Beatles





June 2008
1. The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars – David Bowie
2. Seconds of Pleasure – Rockpile
3. Abbey Road – The Beatles
4. Ocean Rain – Echo and the Bunnymen
5. Piano Man – Billy Joel
6. Funeral - Arcade Fire
7. The Slider – T. Rex
8. The Hoople – Mott the Hoople
9. Aloha from Hawaii via Satellite – Elvis Presley
10. London Calling – The Clash